Cinderella pisses me off. Okay, perhaps that's not the most popular opinion ever expressed. But any adult woman with a brain and a spine that actually work in tandem from time to time should be able to see some of the grossly nauseating messages and motifs found in this classic fairy tale. Everyone knows the story, I know, but just for kicks I've included a concise, if perhaps jaded, summary.

There are actually quite a few versions of this tale but considering our consumerist, market-run society I'm just gonna go with Disney on this one:

There once was a beautiful young girl named Cinderella who was blindingly devoted to her father and stupidly obedient to anyone with an actual backbone. She is forced to slave around her father's house by her evil stepmother and stepsisters who, as though their very genes were arranged to prove their maleficence, are rather ugly. While spending her days running around performing exhausting chores and her nights by the dying cinders of the fire, she endures the abuse with a cheerful patience that makes one wonder whether she is not in fact a little slow.

One day an invitation arrives from the palace inviting all of the young maidens in the kingdom to come to the Prince's ball/meat market where he will chose his future bride. The evil and ugly stepsisters spend days getting themselves J-Lo fabulous for the ball. Meanwhile, Cinderella continues to quietly do her chores in hopes that her silent obedience will be appreciated and she too will be allowed to go to the ball - even though it never has worked in the past.

The day of the ball arrives and the stepmother and stepsisters are swept away in a majestic carriage, leaving Cinderella weeping alone by the fireplace. Suddenly, a bright light brings forth Cinderella's fairy godmother. (Like most distant family members, she only seems to show up to criticize Cinderella's clothing and bug her about why she's still single.) With a wave of her wand she turns Cinderella's rags in a big beautiful gown, a pumpkin in a coach and a few mice into coachmen. Cinderella immediately rushes to the ball with her vermin entourage.

Once there, everyone is stunned by the new hottie and the prince is dazzled by her fantastic sense of fashion - particularly her killer shoes. They dance and discuss designer labels until at the stroke of midnight the magic used by Cinderella's fairy godmother begins to wear off and Cinderella is forced to run off without another word. The Prince tries to pursue but is only able to find one of her glass slippers she accidentally left behind. Determined to have a matching set, the Prince sends minions out to find the other glass slipper and the daring fashionista who owns them.

When said minions arrive at Cinderella's house, the stepsisters try to prove the shoe is theirs but to no avail. Cinderella is finally able to try it on and even produces the other shoe to synch the deal. With the prospect of an expanding and utterly fabulous shoe collection, the Prince marries Cinderella and they live happily ever after - at least until their various fetishes lose their charm.

The moral? As far as I can tell, it seems to be a message to young women that if you are patient and cheerful, doing as you're told without protest, cleaning and cooking all day for your ungrateful family, then one day a handsome prince will sweep you away to his castle where you will continue to cook and clean all day - but in much nicer shoes.

Can you see why the bitch pisses me off?

His(Hers)tory

Most of the fairy tales we know today were originally much more imaginative and macabre. They were in fact women's stories, passed orally from mother to daughter. Women were not much thought of back then, so no one felt the need to educate them in any "proper" forms of literature or even to read at all, so women simply invented a new creative outlet to express themselves and to educate their daughters. The heroines of these stories were the sort any woman today would be proud of - they were usually gutsy, cunning, worldly, and street smart - but even these qualities didn't always guarantee a happy ending: That's life, my dear. Get used to it.

There are over 1,500 different versions of the Cinderella story from all over the world but the Cinderella story as we know it today was written by French author Charles Perrault in 1967 and titled "Cendrillon." This is probably the most G-rated version of the story and thus it's understandable why Disney chose this version to reproduce on the big screen. It's just unfortunate that the happy-go-lucky sterility of Perrault's story sacrifices key motifs that made Cinderella such a worthwhile story for young girls - namely the deep connection between Cinderella and her birth mom. 

The older versions of the Cinderella's story incorporated the spirit of the girl's dead mother as her guide, not a fairy godmother. This beyond-death connection between mother and daughter was such a prevalent theme that it can be seen in versions from very different cultures around the world. In the Chinese version, her mother's spirit appears to her as a goldfish. In this form she guides the girl until the fish is killed by the stepmother. The girl saves the bones of the dead fish, which serve her as a magic talisman and help lead her to happiness. In the Scottish version her mother returns as a calf which continues to look after her even after it is slain by the jealous stepmother. In Kashmir the mother is turned into a goat and continues to supply food and good fortune for her children after her death. It seems that only when the story is revised by male authors is this aspect diminished until it disappears entirely.

Of course, men were not the only ones committing these stories to paper. There was a small movement of French female authors, dubbed by some as "brazen adventuresses," who wrote fairy tales along with other publications in the late 17th century. You've probably never heard of them because they were thought to be "women whose personal lives were so absolutely scandalous that this alone was sufficient to deny them a place in literary history." Marie Catherine d'Aulnoy was one such adventuress who in spite of an unfortunate marriage, or perhaps because of it, lived an eventful and rather independent life. After a failed plot to indicate her husband as a traitor she fled France and traveled the world for a couple of decades, publishing books on history and writing her Contes des Fees or Fairy Tales. Many of her heroines are outspoken and complain of the cruelty of arranged marriages. Her Contes des Fees were actually written for adults in the French court and salon la mode and are not suitable for children's virgin minds - remember, what titillates the adults will probably scar the children.

One of her sister authors was Henriette-Julie de Murat who caused such a raucous in Luis XVI's court that she was banished and even occasionally imprisoned in various convents. She published satires criticizing Luis XVI, wrote a book of poetry addressed exclusively to women and was rumored to be a lesbian and a transvestite. Her fairy tales are rather dark, unique, and feature strong and cunning women with magic on their side.
Hmmmm.now what would the Cinderella story be like with strong non-evil heroines and perhaps some heart-warming lesbian love added to the mix?

I'm so glad you asked.

Modern Twists

Luckily, Cinderella is starting to find her roots, so to speak. Modern authors are beginning to once again take command of fairy tales and put them back where they belong: in our own righteous hands. Bleeding Through Kingdoms by Riley Lashea is a prime and shining example of this. I enjoyed this book with a feeling that mirrored the enthusiasm felt by a child with a new toy. The princesses of several classic tales, including the versatile Cinderella, rebel against their arranged destinies and go on an adventure throughout the terrain of our collective imagination in order to find independence and the freedom to live on their own terms. I am happy to say that none of the girls resemble their wimpy pop-culture counterparts and absolutely no one ends up with a prince. I highly recommend it, but I would recommend any book with a tag as clever and intriguing as this one: Once upon a time.there was anarchy. Now that's a story I'd proudly read to my children.

If you're interested in something that was actually written for children with more modern intentions than "classic" fairy tales I would recommend The Ordinary Princess by M.M. Kaye. Unlike her other gorgeous and delicate sisters, a princess is born to a king and queen who is given the gift by her fairy godmother of being ordinary. This is seen as a disgrace to the royal family and so the princess is not given the sheltered life of her sisters but instead is allowed more freedom and a more ordinary childhood. As a result she grows up to be independent, adventurous and cunning, and determined not to marry some stupid rich dude. Adventure and enlightenment ensue, concluding in a happy ending for all. This is great if you have a daughter who likes to read or if you want something to read to your younger children before bedtime.

Right before the children's Nyquil kicks in.

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