As we grow up, we seek new experiences and become interested in things that are new to us. One person becomes a friend, then another. We learn how to do things we've never done before. We avoid doing things we don't like. We slowly become the people we were meant to be.

As we move from child to adult, we attempt new things and try on several different hats. Some types of personalities we like, and keep; some ways of behaving we don't like and discard.

Almost sounds like having multiple personalities, doesn't it?

Well, in a way, that's what we do as we grow up. We try something, discard what we don't like and have different experiences. Hopefully, our parents allow this natural personality growth.

Each person has a different idea about what is most important in life. We get our ideas from school, family - and even the media. Society also tells us that there are certain rules we have to follow while living our lives, and many messages we receive are often confusing and conflicting. We are told, "Everybody has to like you" and, sometimes, that "it doesn't matter what other people think." We hear, "Be quiet" and, also, "speak up." We are told to do what we are told, but also to think for ourselves. Society gives us mixed messages about forming self-identity; parents have an idea of the person they want you to become; friends have yet have another idea of who you are.

In all of this, it's natural to become confused. Which of these ideas is the real me? We begin to wonder, "Who am I, really? What do I want to do with my life?" We choose how we act, and what we feel about life and ourselves. Sometimes we like ourselves; sometimes we don't.

This is the process of how we create our self-esteem and self-concept. The question we ask is, "Who Am I?" And as we age and mature, we constantly search for the answers.

Here's a little test: When you introduce yourself, how do you define yourself? By your profession? Your age? Your religion? Your job? As a wife, or husband? As somebody's mother?

There are many ways to think of and introduce yourself: some positive, some negative, some even demeaning. When you answer the questions, think about the personal characteristics you use to identify yourself to others. Think about what you are saying about the real you. This is your self-concept, or your view of who and what you are. If you introduce yourself in negative ways, or only as you relate to someone else - such as, "I'm Frank's wife," rather than "I'm Lucy" - you are sending out a picture of poor self-concept and low self-esteem.

Our self-concept is subjective; we invent if from what we see and hear from the people around us, as well as what we learn from family, friends, school. While we are in control of our ultimate self-concept, it is most often shaped by those people around us. We learn to create a self-concept based on feedback and responses from others.

The process of learning who we are, or developing our self-esteem, is through a process called reflections and comparison. How we are treated and what people say to us reflects how they see us - and we often believe it. It's really an evaluation process done by others; the more important the people are in our lives (parents, partners, teachers, peers) the more strongly the evaluation sticks in our minds. This is the reflection that has been created, and that we emulate.

Comparison usually happens inside ourselves; we compare our personality or our behaviors to others. This begins very early in our lives, such as when we first decide if we are good, bad, ugly, pretty, smart or stupid. We use what others say about us, too, adding their opinions to our own. The combination of the reflection, or how others relate to us, and the comparison, or how we compare ourselves to the world around us, combine to form our concept of self-esteem.

When it comes to developing self-esteem and a self-concept, it's easy to focus on negative input; it's a natural reaction to believe the negative before the positive, especially if the feedback comes from people who are important in our lives, such as family, or teachers, for example. But - and I'm sure you know what I'm going to say, here - we can change a negative view of ourselves, if we wish.

We are not just one thing; our personalities are composed of many ways of thinking, and how we view ourselves has many components. Our self-concept goes hand-in-hand with our self-esteem. And when it comes to defining who you are as a person, it's important to realize that you have the power to interpret the feedback and responses from others in a positive light.

How we see ourselves gives us the energy to do things we want to do, the job we want to have, the people we want to be with; our self-esteem and self-concept directly affect our day-to-day lives. It's important to learn to change our negative view of ourselves and how to focus on the positive, useful parts of our personalities and discard the negative parts that hold us back from positive development.

Only then can we really learn to develop into and nurture the individuals we are truly meant to be.

Comments (0)

Subscribe to this comment's feed

Name

Email

Website

Comment

smaller | bigger

I have read and agree to the Terms of Usage.

Add Comment