A Conversation with Iris Salmeron, Manager of Pro-Woman Sex Shop "Whispers & Giggles"

Whispers and Giggles is a pro-woman sex shop in Carlsbad, California - owned by a woman, geared towards women and employed solely by women. As I walk in I am greeted by soft jazz music and a smile from one of the salesgirls. As I look around I don't see the sex booths filled with suspicious stains, blacked windows or dirty pictures sprawled everywhere that you see in so many other sex stores. As I wander through the products, making a mental Christmas list as I go, another woman wanders in and begins talking with the salesgirl about the many varieties of vibrators. I can't help but join the conversation, along with two other women in the store. And soon we are all laughing and discussing our sex lives with amazing security and confidence. We all knew the deal: This was a sanctuary for our sexuality and we had all come to pay homage. Afterwards I find the manager of the store, Iris Salmeron, and I begin the interview with the best mood I've had all week.

Iris: Of course, any and all women are welcomed to come in and pick out their favorite fantasy and we are here to help them out if they have an issue. For example, if their lover is a premature ejaculator, we could solve this with a cock ring or a pleasure bomb from Kama Sutra or, if all else fails, there's always strap-ons! [Both laugh]

J: What is the normal attitude of women who visit your store? Do they seem nervous or uncomfortable? Do many women send in their lovers in lieu of coming themselves?

I: Yeah, this is more of a couples store, so we do see a lot of couples coming in here together, but it's very woman friendly. I mean, it's not a place that's dirty or filthy or anything that will make you feel uncomfortable. A lot of women are nervous when they first come in here, a lot of 18-year olds. Many see the sex toys and think, "Oh, a vibrating penis, this is too scandalous!" but after about five minutes they're like, "Wow, this is so cool!" or, "Wow, I didn't know this existed!" and they start getting comfortable, especially with employees helping them to discover new horizons with sexuality.

J: Has your attitude changed at all while working here?

I: Yes, actually. When I first came in here it was with a friend and I was extremely embarrassed and very shocked, now nothing shocks me, but before I was very conservative about the idea [of sexuality] but now I've become very liberal about it.

J: And you come from a very traditional family, right?

I: Yes, I come from a very traditional, conservative Mexican family . . . well, except for my mother; she's the exception . . . thank God! [Laughs]

J: Do they know you work here?

I: [Pause] Not really! [Laughs] I don't go off telling everybody, but if someone asks, I tell them. My father thinks I simply work in an underwear shop but my mom knows.

J: So as for the people you've told, do you think their attitude has changed at all?

I: Yeah, they now think I'm a sex guru! [Both laugh]

J: There's nothing wrong with that! [More laughing]

I: But just because you work here things can be deceiving and you never know. Everyone might think I'm a sadist or a masochist but the truth is everyone is different. I just happen to have a lot of information about it.

J: So what's your opinion on women's sexuality?

I: If you like it, if you're safe with it, go for it - right on.

J: Do you think there's a positive image of women's sexuality in today's society and media?

I: I think it's getting better. A woman can be more sexual nowadays, but I still think women are repressed when it comes to sexuality because there's still the negative attitude of, "oh, what a nympho." And what's so wrong about that? Males are still against a woman being completely her own or highly sexual. They still call them "whores" or "bitches," but now there's an increasing response from women of, "Yeah, so what?" But there's still that negativity towards it. Now it seems you can be pro-woman all you want but they'll still make it hard for you.

J: Do you think some men are afraid of women's sexuality?

I: I think that's why there's all that negativity, because males are scared of what kinds of sexuality a woman can obtain.

J: Do you get many people in here with alternate lifestyles: gay, lesbian, transsexual?

I: Oh, definitely, we get a lot of gay and lesbian couples as well as single people. Most of them seem apprehensive to tell you their sexual leanings so most of them simply hint it to you and we will always help them with whatever they need. The transvestites who've come in here love our clothing line.

J: Are you aware of the V-Day movement to stop the violence against women?

I: Yes, of course. Right on, women.

J: You yourself were attacked once right?

I: Yes, but fortunately for me, it was a failed attempt.

J: Could you tell me about it?

I: Yeah, I kicked his butt! [Both laugh] He didn't know who he was messing with! I was in a parking lot on my way to the gym, and once I got out of my car I was punched in the gut and was being forced to the ground. My first reaction - I don't know if it was the right one but it worked for me - was to fight back.

J: Obviously that was the right reaction. [Both laugh]

I: Kick ass ladies, come on! Anyway, once I got back into my car, I put it into reverse and tried to run him over, which probably wasn't smart but I still wish I had. And I took off and never looked back. I've never gone back to that parking lot.

J: What time was it when this happened?

I: It was about 4:00 a.m. I was trying to get a workout before class.

J: There's a lesson here.

I: Yeah, go to school.

J: And don't work out! [Both laugh]

I: Just let your body do what it has to do.

J: Yeah, actually, do work out so you can kick the ass of any guy who tries to do something to you that you don't want him to!

I: Exactly

J: Then hit him with your car

I: and reverse it! [More laughing]

J: . . . and repeat about three or four times . . . [Laughing so much we're about a bad pun away from peeing our pants.]

J: So you went to the police right afterwards?

I: Actually, it took me about three days to get to the police.

J: Why?

I: Well, I panicked, went to my grandma's house and cried my eyes out. I knew I should have gone to the police but I was still in shock. I didn't know if there was any point because I didn't really see the attacker's face, I just knew he was Hispanic. But with the little that I did finally tell the police I found out that he was a serial rapist and I was the first failed attempt.

J: So do you feel safe in this store?

I: Oh, in this store I feel safe-I am very well guarded. No one has ever tried anything here. People come in and everyone feels safe.

J: Do you think women feel safe coming in here?

I: I've never had a problem with a woman not feeling safe in this store. It's a clean environment, we have calming music, it's a very peaceful setting - you could fall asleep in this store.

J: Yeah, there are no sex booths or naked women sprawled over the walls. It's very clean with women's outfits, products, candles, massage creams - quite girly.

I: Yeah, and a lot of pink. We try to promote love and sex, romance. It's a place for women to discover healthy sex lives.

J: Do you have any advice for young women who are trying to discover their sexuality without their boyfriends bumming them out?

I: Yeah, dump the boyfriend! [Both laugh] There's a lot of pro-woman books with a lot of useful information. Don't buy into the male negativity. Human sexuality classes are really helpful. I had a great professor, she was all for women, safe sex and women on top! [Both laugh] Screw Adam!

Inspired by the "Employee Recommendations" shelf at Barnes & Noble, I asked Iris what she thought where the cream-of-the-crop products in Whispers and Giggles:

• Anything from the Kama Sutra line

• Cyberskin vibrator or Pussy Pouch (for men)

• California Exotic Novelties Decadent Indulgence Vibrator

• Lubricants: ID, Eros, Sex Tarts

• Climax Cream (Won the Nobel Prize for Physiology in 1998)

• Coochy Cream Shaving Cream and Hair Conditioner

Store Locator

Whispers & Giggles
1405 El Camino Real, Suite 111
Oceanside, CA 92054
(760) 529-0240

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