Feminist warriors are few and far between - but thankfully, they're out there. Whether they're rioting in the street, challenging gender norms and stereotypes, or working to end violence and make lives better for women and men around the world, these warriors can only do so much on their own. Two warriors, Ophelia-Dawn Shona Power-Dessert and Christopher Dessert of Seattle, Washington and Toronto, Ontario are asking you to join them in the fight against violence against women and girls with their new organization Men Speak Out.

I am so often inspired by such people as Ophelia-Dawn and Chris. After making connections through the work of the Angela Shelton Foundation, whom Ophelia-Dawn works with as Director of Operations, we had the chance to talk through various tech forms such as messenger, Facebook and e-mail. Already an activist herself, fighting the good fight through her work with the Angela Shelton Foundation and her own organization, Ophelia's Love, Ophelia-Dawn and husband Christopher are taking the next step: embracing men in the fight against violence against women and children. Their progressing work with their new organization, Men Speak Out leaves me inspired and hopeful - and I hope it will leave you the same.

Step up. Speak out.

Get Informed: Around the world, one in three women has been beaten, coerced into sex, or otherwise abused during her lifetime.¹ There are numerous resources and support services for victims of violence - but resources and support need something in order to stop the violence. Activism.

Leisha Sagan: Men Speak Out is a new organization working to end male violence against women and children. What motivated you to start this organization?

Ophelia-Dawn Shona Power-Dessert: I have been working in the field of assaulted women's and children's advocacy for quite a few years now, both in my own organization, Ophelia's Love and as the Director of Operations for The Angela Shelton Foundation. There are so many amazing organizations already in place that work to educate community members and bring support to survivors. However, my experience has shown that there is also a gap in service, in environments where both men and women can work equally together to bring attention to the issue of abuse affecting both genders.

Getting men involved has been something on our minds for quite some time. Ophelia's Love was an organization I created in 2003 that dealt primarily with female issues of rape, sexual assault, and gender violence, providing information and advocacy, as well as survivor and community support through web-based and community outreach projects. In 2005, Ophelia's Love became the first organization in Canada to host Walk a Mile in Her Shoes®: The International Men's March to Stop Rape, Sexual Assault and Gender Violence. The march was created by Frank Baird, for the purposes of educating the community and raising money for local rape crisis centers. The idea behind the march is to create awareness of violence against women in the community and recognize that the participation of men is equally as important in finding a solution.

Events such as Walk a Mile in Her Shoes are effective but I wanted to get men involved on a larger, more consistent scale. It is with this idea in mind, that my husband, Christopher and myself co-founded Men Speak Out. We thought it was the time to get men thinking, talking, and actively participating on a daily basis. It is our belief, that when you empower both genders and face both sides of an issue, we are able to arrive at a much clearer explanation as to why violence occurs and how we can prevent it. It is very challenging because men have their own gender-specific issues and special needs, and men are also victims of sexual abuse and violence. We wanted to honor both male and female perspectives.

Get Involved: Fighting the good fight has to be a battle not only for women but for men, too. Organizations such as Men Speak Out welcome and support men in the fight against violence against women and aim to support male survivors of violence as well.

LS: One comment I've often heard men make is that they feel isolated and that feminism and feminist activism is exclusive towards men. Another is that they always feel like they are "the bad guy" and blamed even if they self-identity as feminist and work to end violence against women. Does "Men Speak Out" work to address these concerns or do you see it helping in any way? Do you see these concerns as valid?

OSP: That's a really good point and one that I would definitely agree with. It's part of the reason why Men Speak Out was created. We wanted to create a safe place for men and women to come together and discuss their experiences of violence. Men Speak Out also wants to address the sensitivities of men who have previously experienced the stigma attached to being a male survivor and/or male believers in feminist causes.

Men Speak Out wants to address the topic of abuse with men and women with the understanding that only through shared experience and action can we move forward in social reform. The issue of rape, sexual assault and gender violence is so broad reaching that it can feel like an insurmountable challenge to overcome. So we want to begin with dialogue and step beyond into an open framework that enables male and female survivors of violence to come forward.

Men Speak Out is an open door. It's not only an advocacy group to end rape, sexual assault and gender violence, more importantly it advocates a shared process, with equal responsibility and an equal voice for both men and women. We want to end this pandemic together, and we believe it will be more effective with both perspectives.

LS: What is your hope for Men Speak Out?

OSP: Men Speak Out wants to educate men and encourage dialogue in an environment where it is safe to talk about the issue of abuse. Despite what social or cultural differences that exist, we need to create a safe place for communication to take place. Without male involvement, we are only advocating half the population in trying to actively make a difference in this problem and we don't think that is an effective enough response to actively enact change.

So often, issues like this can create an adversarial environment among men and women. If we believe what we see in the news, then sexual violence typically involves a male abusing a female. It seems so simple, but here's what we know. The majority of abusers were victims themselves. While there are resources to help address the results of abuse, what about a prevention plan to break the cycle of abuse nearer to the root? So we need to provide this voice of peace to the men. We believe that Men Speak Out allows for this to take place.

Get Active: What's the next step in ending violence? Get out there. Ophelia-Dawn and Christopher are not just supporting, talking, and resourcing. They're creating. And they want you to get involved.

LS: Can you talk a bit about Men Speak Out and some of the projects you're doing with it?

OSP: One of our first steps is the creation of a new video series, (Wo)Men Speak Out. (Wo)Men Speak Out will touch upon topics that are both sensitive and thought provoking intended to create dialogue and encourage positive action and community reform surrounding issues of anti-violence. We will talk about a variety of issues to include breaking the silence, survivor experience both male and female, issues surrounding being a loved one of a survivor, how to get past the suspicion and myth surrounding abuse, basic abuse information and what people can do, dating violence, advocacy ideas, and more. The reason for the name (Wo)Men speak out instead of just Men Speak Out is because it will deal with both genders, giving voice to the male and female experience respectively.

The second project of Men Speak Out will be an online magazine: (Wo)Men Speak Out. It will be a monthly compilation of stories, news, feedback, pictures etc., as a way to learn more and stay connected.

We will integrate stories from advocates and survivors, including personal experience, community events and commentary on the discussion of rape, sexual assault and gender violence in our communities. We want touch upon relationships, social rules and gender role training of both men and women, actively involving community members in the process. We want to encourage people to contribute to monthly issues so that everyone who is a member feels like they are involved in some way.

Currently, Men Speak Out has a temporary website which can be seen at http://menspeakout.spruz.com. Within the next few months however, we will have a brand new website for Men Speak Out that will be a home base for survivors and advocates alike. We will post more information as we move forward. Our permanent website(s) will be www.menspeakoutnow.com and www.womenspeakoutnow.com. As is the case with many groups, we are run on a volunteer basis and welcome anyone looking to volunteer their website or design services to help the cause to e-mail us at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it .

Chris and myself are both public speakers and one of our long term goals is to take our message out into the community on a much wider scale to include speaking at high schools, colleges, and universities across the country. I think there is something very powerful about seeing the impact and message from those who have experienced violence firsthand and are now willing to share their story. To be able to connect with people in person can be such a positive experience and we feel that by connecting with students and community members in general we will make a greater impact on the path of change. Men Speak Out believes that the time for change is now.

LS: Do you see an end to male violence against women sometime in this lifetime?

OSP: Ultimately, that is our goal. We want to see an end to rape, sexual assault, and gender violence. We hold out hope that by creating dialogue we will reach far enough that change will be created and seen on an on-going basis. However, the issue of rape, sexual assault, and gender violence is a pandemic so we are preparing ourselves for a longer journey, a marathon if you will, not simply a sprint. We are committed to speaking out in all forums and hope that the messages of hope that are created continue through out this lifetime until the issue of violence is no longer an issue at all.

Self-Reflect: Survivors and activists need their own support systems. For survivors, that could mean taking the first step in naming one's own violence and saying no to silence. For activists, that means taking time to step back and celebrate the triumphs of your activist work.

LS: One of the biggest effects of violence I find is the silence that surrounds it. Silence in society, and within survivors themselves. What advice would you give to a survivor on naming their violence and telling their story?

OSP: The pandemic of abuse in our society is fueled by silence, thriving on that ideology that society will continue to stay silent so that the perpetrators may continue the patterns of abuse without penalty. What we forget however is that for every action comes a reaction. The same can be said for speaking out about one's personal experience of abuse. I believe that there are two types of perps in our society, the perpetrators of abuse and the perpetuators of it's continuance. From a societal standpoint, we have a responsibility to defend those who are unable to defend themselves. More often than not, survivors remain silent out of fear and shame. They believe that they are alone. Sadly, the truth is that they are not alone and that only by breaking the silence can we truly put an end of the torture of abuse and begin to heal.

As a survivor, I understand what it is to fear the reactions of loved ones, co-workers, strangers who would hear my story, to fear retaliation and alienation. Coming to terms with one's abuse is a life-long, life changing experience and is not easily accepted. Before verbalizing my abuse, I was riddled with confusion and self-doubt. I used to think to myself, "What will people think of me?", "How can I tell someone that my father molested me or that I was raped by someone I knew or that an ex-boyfriend abused me?" and "What if they blame me for what happened?" The most popular question I am asked by people is HOW? They want to know how I was able to say the words without shame....the answer for me was a simple one. I was able to speak out when I realized that it was not my shame to own, that I was not to blame for being abused. I found too, that with each time I told my story, I came across a survivor who shared a similar experience. I realized that I was not alone. It made me question my silence and wonder how many others were still keeping silent about their abuse.

As for the survivor who can name their experience but is afraid to speak out I have much to say and will of course touch upon all of this in (Wo)Men Speak Out. For now though, I think it is important to hear the words that I tell all survivors: You may have been a victim of abuse but the fact that you are here to read these words, makes you a survivor. We are stronger than we give ourselves credit for and there is nothing worse than that which has already been experienced. Breaking the silence allows us to take back the power that was taken away, on our terms. The decision to speak out is yours alone, to do when you can, when you are able, on your terms and by no one else's command. What happened to you was not your fault and you are not alone.

LS: Do you ever get frustrated with fighting the good fight? What do you as an activist to keep your motivation and energy up?

OSP: Like any job, I have good and bad days. It is very easy to burn out in this field as the stories of abuse can often be overwhelming. I try to remember however, that I can't help others if I neglect myself. It's sort of like the oxygen mask on an airplane. You need to put your own mask on first, before you can help anyone else. You have to remember to breath. Meditation is good. Exercise and a good diet help. Chris and I love to rock-climb so that is our major outlet to manage the stress. We have good friends who support us, which makes the world of difference. Therapy for me is essential, whether it's personal self reflection in journaling or talking to my therapist one-on-one, I think that it helps to have something or a trusted someone like that in your life. I have a plastic bat and a punching bag that I use on a regular basis also :-)

LS: Are there any amazing moments or stories you've experienced or witnessed that have made you think "we can do this, we can end violence?"

OSP: There are so many!! I have spoken with thousands of survivors over the years through email, telephone and speaking at events. At one of the college events that I spoke at there a male student who couldn't find the words to speak with me. I gave him my email address and website and told him to email me when he felt that he could, that I would be there to listen when he was ready. Two years passed and one day I received an email from him thanking me for speaking out and addressing the issue of male violence. He said that hearing my story gave him the courage he needed to come forward about his abuse and he has since started working in abuse advocacy.

I believe that it is his strength that allowed him to come forward. He found the courage to speak out when it was right for him to do so, but there really is something to be said about shared experience and naming the violence. To know that you are not alone and that there are others just like you who were just as afraid, just as ashamed and who are now choosing to move forward positively with their lives. It enables hope to exist. We all need hope.

LS: What are your tips for people who want to get involved and fight rape, sexual assault, and gender violence?

OSP: Get Help. If you or someone you know is being abused, get help. Contact your local rape crisis or non-profit organization for assistance. You do not have to deal with this alone.

Get Informed. Learn the facts about rape, sexual assault and gender violence. Knowledge is power and leads to a better understanding of the realities of this issue.

Get Involved. Volunteer with community agencies that support survivors of rape, sexual assault and gender violence and/or donate money to the cause to help benefit assistance programs.

Get Active. Check your community calendars and go to events, support organizations that promote anti-violence initiatives. There is power in numbers.

Self-Reflect: Examine your own belief systems and behavior to learn how you may be contributing to social and institutional practices that condone sexual violence. Words and thoughts are things. Make a commitment to change.

Join Men Speak Out and sign up for our newsletter. Community involvement is key to spreading the word and effectively breaking the cycle of violence.

Ophelia-Dawn Shona Power-Dessert and Christopher Dessert are co-founders of Men Speak Out. For more information or to get involved, visit Men Speak Out at http://menspeakout.spruz.com/main.asp. Click here to view the new Men Speak Out video on YouTube.

You can also visit Ophelia-Dawn's other projects and get involved in the fight against violence against women and children at: Ophelia's Love, http://www.opheliaslove.org/; and The Angela Shelton Foundation, http://www.angelashelton.org.

¹ Heise, L., Ellsberg, M. and Gottemoeller, M. Ending Violence Against Women. Population Reports, Series L, No. 11., December 1999

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