There seems to be an upshot to your children hitting 5 years of age. Now, it can happen before that. A friend from years back declared this change when her first of three girls hit 4.

The One-Sex Only Party.

The clubhouse was built - the sign was on the door.

Since both of my children, a girl and a boy, had come to enjoy playing with these girls, my son was put out when he realized he would no longer be involved in the celebrations.

Ever.

"It's the way my parents did it," my friend told me. As if she couldn't see beyond that, to effect change or break down walls. "It worked just fine."

My daughter will be seven this spring. I have yet to change the roster from Male and Female to Just Female, and she would be brokenhearted if I did. She would also be confused, just as her brother was previous.

Many of her best friends are boys. She makes no separation. They all run, they all laugh, and they all like cake. True, we had a Fairy Princess Party last spring but the boys came as Knights or Horses or Dragons. Then we had a scavenger hunt and every one of them loved it.

This past weekend, two of her friends who happen to be twins celebrated their birthdays. One of them is a boy, Fred, and one of them is a girl, Frieda.

We received two invitations: one for my son, to Fred's party on Saturday, and one for my daughter to Frieda's party on Sunday.
Aside from sucking our entire weekend up, this seemed unfair.
Up to this year, the parties had always been combined. I knew this was coming, though. Their mother had stood outside on the lawn with me and said as much many times.

"He really wants a boy's party," she would say.

I didn't believe her. I believed she wanted the boy's party. She was a single mom and even though the kids saw their father regularly, the boy was very clingy to his mother.

My neighbor seemed to shift between liking this clinginess and not liking it. She often said things about his need to grow tougher, have boy's play, wrestle.

The inference was: Girls will make him girly. Soft. Weak. I didn't like that inference.

I mentioned that my daughter would be upset if Fred had a party and didn't invite her. My neighbor threw some comment out about how my daughter could come to both parties.

Yet the invitations held in their hands said otherwise.

My son was over the moon. He didn't care as long as he went to some kind of party. He ran off yelling Party Party Party.

My daughter looked up at me and asked, "Why can't I go to both parties?"

I told her that she gets to go to Frieda's party.

"I want to go to Frieda's party," she said. "But why can't I go to Fred's party too?"

I thought of ways to explain. But I didn't understand it myself. She and Fred were closer than she and Frieda, and they always had been.

And a party is a party. My daughter loves cars, my son loves playing pretend. Put on some music, play freeze dance, throw water balloons, color, pass the present. It's not about sexual categories; it's about getting together with your friends.

So I tried to smile at my daughter, and I ran my hand over the top of her head and I told her, "Because you don't have a penis."

It was the only thing that seemed to make sense. Even though it didn't.

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